The answer is quite easily and for most of us if we don't put in the right effort, support and cherishing attitude into the relationship it can happen to any relationship.
The problem is once a couple gets de-railed they often struggle to restore the harmony and balance again. This is when bad habits take over a relationship and leave two loving people feeling helpless, withdrawn and irritated.
Sitting across from me is Brian a wealthy business man who claims his wife Susan complains about the relationship too much and describes how aggressive and demanding she can be. He continues his protest saying if only she would just get over her anger he would be more loving.
"I cannot be the only one who cares about this relationship.If you are not going to try why should I bother" Susan responds full of anger and disappointment. "All you do is neglect this relationship and put in this half ass effort."
So whose version of the story is right?
The answer is both.
Each partner has their version of how difficult and challenging their side of the story is and if we are going to get anywhere it is through through the doors of empathy.
This happens to be one of the first techniques I teach couples… "Acknowledging where your partner is coming from is true for them."
Otherwise each couple stays in their corner defending against the other and nothing new emerges.
So getting both Brian and Susan to place where they can acknowledge each others pain and truly see one another is critical to relationship recovery.
Every relationship will struggle, fight, collapse and move into their unique cycles.The question for most couples I see is how can they regain confidence, trust and recover from the damage done through their unhealthy patterns.
My job is sorting out this 'bad deal' that has been going on for years and help these two develop new positive habits to each get the relationship they want with one another.
I always look to support couples through teaching them tools and strategies to communicate better, move into more intimacy and communicate with greater clarity.If both partners are committed to change we can always find that path out of unhealthy conflict back to relationship harmony.
The challenge is that couples need to develop new language with one another; I help couples them towards recovery through coaching them back to path of putting the relationship at higher level.
I share and teach this knowledge by motivating both partners to find their voice.If both partners commit to learning this new language with one another change is inevitable.
Finding the right couples counselling in Calgary for you and your partner can be stressful. Make sure you find a counsellor that has a strong background and training in working with couples.
One Life's Calgary Therapy can help with any of your needs!
