DBT Therapy Calgary

Sometimes, life throws a curveball your way. People lie. Relationships end. Our days don’t go as planned. And when these things happen, how do you react?

In stressful situations, our thoughts move at light speed—we can barely get a handle on them before we start searching for a coping mechanism.  Some people have coping mechanisms that do more harm than good. They may engage in self-harm, substance abuse, and/or suicidal thoughts. Whenever stress or anxiety arises, they rely on these coping mechanisms, despite the harm they cause.

Through DBT (dialectical behaviour therapy), you learn skills that help you cope with extreme emotions. DBT gives you the tools you need to manage distressing thoughts and regulate your emotions.  If you have intense emotional responses and the behaviours that follow are destructive to your life, DBT gives you a way to stay in control.

Thinking about trying DBT? Here’s how it works and how it can help:

What Is DBT Therapy?

• I disagree with your opinion, AND I understand why you feel that way.
• I love my family, AND I get annoyed or hurt by them sometimes.
• I’m doing my best, AND I’m working to become a better person.
• I’m strong, AND I need support from other people.

Radical acceptance

When you accept your thoughts and feelings, you don’t need to feel ashamed. Instead, you can feel validated that your reactions are reasonable. Your experiences and your responses to those experiences are valid. Acceptance promotes kindness and self-compassion. But by accepting something, that doesn’t mean we’ve given up on changing it.

Change

Once you’ve accepted your thoughts, the next step is developing skills to make positive changes. Skills that you learn in DBT include mindfulness, distress tolerance, interpersonal effectiveness, and emotional regulation.

How Does Dialectical Behaviour Therapy Work?

We mentioned earlier that in DBT, you’re taught four important skills. Two of those skills are about acceptance, and two help you make changes. Here’s what you can do to help target harmful behaviours:

Mindfulness: An important aspect of DBT therapy success

There’s a common misconception that mindfulness is this easy, breezy thing. 

But when your mind is full of difficult emotions and distressing thoughts, it’s not easy to be present with yourself.

With DBT, people learn to observe their thoughts and then return to the present moment. Even though this sounds easy, it’s very different from what most people do—which is to experience a distressing thought and then try to stifle it or distract themselves from it.

And here enters another challenging part of mindfulness—as you experience your thoughts and feelings, you are fully aware of them. You don’t fight them back, judge yourself, or distract yourself. Instead, you acknowledge and stay present while they happen.

Distress tolerance: Learn how to ride the waves of your emotions

This skill comes in handy when we enter crisis mode—when something upsets us very deeply. Using distress tolerance, people learn how to move forward when they’re in extreme emotional turmoil. 

A few coping strategies include:

TIPP skills

This stands for Temperature, Intense Exercise, Paced Breathing, and Paired Muscle Relaxation. When you feel overwhelmed, TIPP skills bring you back to your body and help you calm your mind.

Distraction

If the other methods just aren’t working, sometimes a distraction is the best way to avoid engaging in harmful behaviours. You can try the other methods once you feel calmer.

Interpersonal effectiveness: Maintain your self-respect in your relationships

Learn how to better communicate with other people, especially when your needs aren’t being met. You learn skills to assert what you require, say “no” when you need to, and be mindful of how others will react to you. 

Emotional regulation: Manage your emotions instead of letting them manage you

Emotions are completely natural. Everyone feels joy and sorrow, fear and anger, excitement and surprise. 

But when we experience a really intense emotion, we might react in harmful ways—by engaging in suicidal thoughts, self-harm, and/or substance use.

You can understand your emotions as a wave. They rise and fall but never disappear completely. DBT helps you keep afloat when your feelings fluctuate. 

Emotional regulation builds on all the other skills you learn through dialectical behaviour therapy. By learning these skills, you can avoid the destructive behaviours you may have previously used to cope with strong emotions.

Applying DBT in Everyday Life

Learning new skills in therapy is one thing—using them in your daily life is another. DBT isn’t just about understanding concepts; it’s about actively applying them when emotions run high.

Recognizing Emotional Triggers

Life is full of unpredictable moments. A harsh comment, a last-minute change, or an unexpected setback can spark an intense emotional reaction. Through DBT, you’ll learn to identify these triggers before they take control—allowing you to pause, assess, and respond intentionally instead of reacting impulsively.

Turning Coping Strategies into Habits

When distress hits, old coping mechanisms can feel automatic. DBT teaches you to replace harmful reactions with healthier habits, like:

• Using mindfulness to slow down and focus on the present moment.
• Practicing self-soothing techniques to reduce distress without resorting to self-harm or avoidance.
• Engaging in opposite action—choosing to act contrary to an emotion-driven impulse when it’s not serving you.

At first, these skills may feel unnatural, but the more you practice, the easier they become.

Strengthening Relationships Through Communication

Navigating relationships can be tricky, especially when emotions run high. Whether it’s asking for what you need, setting boundaries, or handling conflict, DBT gives you the tools to express yourself without guilt or fear.

For example, DBT’s DEAR MAN technique helps you communicate assertively while maintaining relationships:

• Describe the situation
• Express how you feel
• Assert what you need
• Reinforce why it’s beneficial for both parties
• Mindfully stay present in the conversation
• Appear confident
• Negotiate if needed

Using these strategies can reduce conflict, build trust, and help you feel heard.

Tracking Progress and Staying Consistent

Applying DBT techniques takes time and practice. Keeping a DBT journal can help you track emotions, triggers, and the effectiveness of different skills. Over time, you’ll begin to see patterns, identify what works best, and gain confidence in managing your emotions.

DBT isn’t about erasing difficult emotions—it’s about learning how to experience them without being controlled by them. With consistent practice, these skills become second nature, allowing you to handle life’s ups and downs with greater ease.